Chef is Alive
by phantomzombie
Summary: The town is surprised to discover that Chef is still alive, but he's a completely different man from the man they used to know and love. When the Super Adventure Club come to town and take the school hostage, it's up to the boys to free them all and redeem Chef. Guest Voice: Peter Serafinowicz as Darth Chef.
1. Chapter 1

**SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY CAFETERIA, DAY. THE STUDENTS ARE EATING LUNCH. IN THE BACKGROUND, AT THE ENTRANCE AND EXIT TO THE KITCHEN, MR. DERP IS SERVING STUDENTS.**

**CUTS TO: BOYS TABLE. STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN, KENNY AND THE OTHER BOYS ARE EATING SCHOOL LUNCHES; CARTMAN IS EATING LIKE A PIG. KYLE GETS ANNOYED, BECAUSE CARTMAN IS GETTING CRUMBS ON HIM.**

KYLE: Dude, eat with your mouth closed, please!

CARTMAN **(Rolls his eyes)**: Fine, Kahl.

**CARTMAN EATS WITH HIS MOUTH CLOSED. STAN BITES INTO A PIECE OF CHICKEN, BUT SPITS IT OUT.**

STAN: Bleugh, this tastes terrible. **(Turns to Kyle)** I'm telling you dude, Mr. Derp is not the best cook around. If Chef were alive, this food would be much better.

KYLE: I agree Stan. But we have to accept the fact that Chef is dead. Anyway, I don't see Kenny complaining about the quality of the chicken.

**THEY LOOK AT KENNY, WHO'S SITTING ON STAN'S RIGHT; HE HAS HIS HOOD OFF AND HE'S EATING WITHOUT COMPLAINT.**

STAN: That's because all he eats is frozen toaster waffles and baloney sandwiches without condiments.

**JUST THEN, THE DOORS SWING WIDE OPEN AND BUTTERS COMES RUNNING IN, SHOUTING TO EVERYONE. EVERYONE STOPS EATING AND LOOKS AT HIM.**

BUTTERS: Fellas! Fellas!

JIMMY: Hey Butters. Wh-wh-wh-what's u-u-up?

BUTTERS: What's up?! I saw Chef!

**THE WHOLE CAFETERIA IS SILENT FOR A MOMENT; STAN BREAKS THE SILENCE.**

STAN: You can't have Butters, because Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and I saw him die.

BUTTERS: But…. He can't be dead. I saw him, I swear.

STAN: Dude. He died right after we saved him from the Super Adventure Club. We were escaping, then before Chef could reach the other side, the bridge collapsed. He fell, and had his leg impaled on a rock. Then a Puma and a Bear appeared and mauled him right in front of us. He shat himself right after he died.

**THE STUDENTS HAVE THEIR HEADS DIPPED IN MOURNFULNESS, AS STAN FINISHES TELLING THEM HOW CHEF DIED. JUST THEN, THE BELL RINGS, AND EVERYONE LEAVES THE CAFETERIA.**

**HILLTOP OVERLOOKING SOUTH PARK: SEVERAL FIGURES ARE STANDING THERE. THEY ARE THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB, INCLUDING DARTH CHEF. WILLIAM CONNELY SMILES AND TURNS TO CHEF.**

CONNELY: You have done well Chef. You've travelled the world with me, molested children with me, and now, you have led me to your town.

DARTH CHEF: Thank you sir. Now, to the school.

CONNELY: Sounds like we struck the Jackpot. Let's go, and fuck some kids!

OTHER CLUB MEMBERS: Yeah!

**CONNELY AND THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB FOLLOW DARTH CHEF INTO THE TOWN.**

**MAIN STREET: WITH DARTH CHEF IN FRONT, THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB MARCH THROUGH THE TOWN, WHILE UP ABOVE THEM, DARK CLOUDS GATHER.**

**CITY PLANNER BUILDING: WENDY'S MOTHER, DEBORAH, IS AT HER DESK. SHE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW AND SEES WHAT SHE BELIEVES TO BE CHEF.**

DEBORAH: (Gasp) It…. It can't be! He's dead, yet, he's alive!

**SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY HALLWAYS: STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY ARE WALKING TO CLASS WITH THEIR BOOKS.**

KENNY (Muffled): You know something Dudes? I believe Butters is telling the truth.

CARTMAN: Why would you believe anything that Butters says?

KENNY (Muffled): I don't know. It's just a feeling I have, that Chef came back from the dead, just like I can.

STAN: Kenny. I know how much you miss Chef, but everyone's gotta move on. Let me remind you loud and clear: Chef, is, dead. End of Story.

**KENNY SIGHS.**

KENNY (Muffled): Yeah, you're probably right. Butters was probably seeing things again.

**THE BOYS ENTER THE CLASSROOM; THEY STOP SHORT WHEN THEY SEE AND HEAR THE ENTIRE CLASS TALKING ABOUT CHEF BEING ALIVE. EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN THEORIES.**

KEVIN: I think he was put into a life support system like Anakin Skywalker was at the end of 'Star Wars Episode III'.

BEBE: I believe now that he's a paedophile, he travels the world and takes children's lives by fucking them to survive.

**THE BOYS TAKE THEIR SEATS.**

CARTMAN: It sounds like everyone believes Butters.

**MR. GARRISON ENTERS; HE'S ALREADY PISSED AT HIS CLASS BECAUSE THEY WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT CHEF.**

MR. GARRISON: Class, please SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!

**THE CLASS TAKE THEIR SEATS AND CEASE FURTHER CHATTER.**

MR. GARRISON: Now class, I understand how much you Miss Chef, but you have to accept that Chef is dead, boom, gone; accept it.

CLASS: We Accept Chef's passing, and we know he's never coming back.

MR. GARRISON: Good. Now, we can continue on with the life of Robin Williams.

**Ext. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY: THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB ARE AT THE DOOR OF THE SCHOOL.**

DARTH CHEF: Well, Connely. Here is South Park Elementary.

CONNELY: Excellent Chef. Now, it is time.

CONNELY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR TWICE.

**MR. MACKEY'S OFFICE: MR. MACKEY IS ON HIS COMPUTER. AS THE NEW VICE PRINCIPAL SINCE STRONG WOMAN AND PC PRINCIPAL QUIT, HE'S GOT MORE RESPONSIBILITIES NOW. HE HAS JUST FINISHED PAYING THE BILLS FOR THE ELECTRICITY, WATER AND GAS.**

MR. MACKEY: M'kay, that's the bills for this month sorted. Now I can go to the Teacher's Lounge, and get that last slice of New York Cheesecake.

**HE EXITS HIS OFFICE AND STARTS OFF DOWN THE HALL, WHEN HE HEARS KNOCKING. MR. MACKEY TURNS AROUND.**

MR. MACKEY: Huh? Who's there, m'kay?

**MISS CONDUCT AND PRINCIPAL VICTORIA COME OUT OF THEIR OFFICES TOO.**

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: Is there someone at the door, Mr. Mackey?

MR. MACKEY: Maybe, I should go check it out.

**MR. MACKEY APPROACHES THE DOOR; HE OPENS IT. PRINCIPAL VICTORIA AND MISS CONDUCT JOIN HIM; THEY SEE THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB STANDING AT THE DOOR.**

MISS CONDUCT: Who are you?

CONNELY: We are the 'Super Adventure Club'. Can we come in?

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: I wasn't notified about your presence! Leave right now or I'll-

**BEFORE SHE CAN FINISH HER SENTENCE, SHE GETS SHOT BY A TRANQUILLISER DART; SHE FALLS TO THE FLOOR. MR. MACKEY AND MISS CONDUCT HUG EACH OTHER IN FEAR, AS THEY TOO, ARE SHOT WITH TRANQUILLISER DARTS.**

CONNELY: You should've said yes.

**THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB ARE IN THE SCHOOL.**

CONNELY: Everyone, split up; we'll scour the classrooms until every student is rounded up. Now move out!

**THE CLUB SPLIT UP. IN MR. GARRISON'S CLASSROOM, HE IS STILL DOING HIS LESSON.**

MR. GARRISON: And in 2014, Robin Williams starred in his final-

**BEFORE HE FINISHES HIS SPEECH, HE HEARS LOUD NOISES FROM OUTSIDE.**

MR. GARRISON: Class, could you hold on? I swear I heard something outside.

**HE OPENS THE DOOR, AND INSTANTLY GETS TRANQUILLISED. HE FALLS ONTO THE FLOOR, UNCONSCIOUS. A SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB MEMBER ENTERS. THE CLASS GASPS.**

JENNY: Oh My God! Mr. Garrison's dead!

**SHE FAINTS; CLYDE, HER BOYFRIEND, CATCHES HER. DARTH CHEF ENTERS, AND EVERYONE IS SILENT.**

DARTH CHEF: Hello, children.

CLUB MEMBER: Alright everyone! Follow us!

**THE CLASS OBEYS AND FOLLOWS THE MEMBER AND DARTH CHEF TO WHERE THE OTHER STUDENTS ARE BEING ROUNDED UP; THE GYMNASIUM. ALONG THE WAY, THEY SEE TRANQUILLISED TEACHERS LYING LIMP ON THE FLOOR.**

STAN: Butters was telling the truth. Chef IS alive.

KYLE: Butters, we owe you an apology for not believing you earlier.

BUTTERS: I forgive you fellas. No-One believes me anyway.

**End of Act 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**GYMNASIUM: ALL THE STUDENTS ARE STANDING IN THE CENTRE OF THE GYM, WHILE THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB SURROUND THEM FROM ALL SIDES, BLOCKING EVERY DOOR. CONNELY IS AT THE FRONT, PACING UP AND DOWN, WITH HIS CANE IN ONE HAND AND A PIPE IN THE OTHER. HE INHALES FROM HIS PIPE.**

CONNELY: Chef. Please go out into the hallway and look for any remaining kids.

DARTH CHEF: Of course, Connely.

**DARTH CHEF APPROACHES THE DOOR; IT CAN BE HEARD OPENING AND CLOSING OFF-SCREEN. CONNELY LOOKS AT THE FEAR-STRICKEN STUDENTS.**

CONNELY: Now boys and girls, we are the 'Super Adventure Club'; we travel the world, molesting children from any culture. We were gonna be called the 'Adventure Club', but that was already taken. Yes, your dear friend Chef is now one of us; he came to us to seek an opportunity to travel the world. We brainwashed him of course, so now, he's a child molester.

**HE GESTURES TO TWO OF HIS COMRADES.**

CONNELY: You two. Go outside and guard the entrance. No-One can get in or out of this place.

MAN #1 **(Simultaneously)**: Yes Connely.  
MAN #2 **(Simultaneously)**: Yes Sir

**THE TWO MEN HEAD OUT. CONNELY TURNS TO THE STUDENTS. A LOOK APPEARS ON HIS FACE.**

WENDY: What do you plan to do to us?

CONNELY **(Chuckles)**: We'll show you, little girl.

**HE APPROACHES THE JAPANESE FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS; HE AND THREE OF HIS COMRADES PIN THEM TO THE GROUND, AND TAKES THEIR PANTS DOWN.**

YAOI GIRL #1: What are you doing?

CONNELY: We're making an example of our power, and what we are all about.

**ON HIS SIGNAL, CONNELY AND THE THREE MEN TAKE THE GIRLS' PANTS DOWN, AND RAPE THEM. THE REST OF THE STUDENTS ARE IN ABSOLUTE SHOCK. ONCE THE MEN ARE DONE, THEY PULL OUT AND GET THEIR PANTS BACK UP. THE FOUR GIRLS ARE MOTIONLESS.**

TOKEN: You Bastard! You raped them to death!

**CRAIG WHISPERS TO TWEEK, JUST OUT OF EAR-SHOT.**

CRAIG **(Whispers)**: At least there won't be any more Yaoi art about us.

TWEEK **(Whispers back)**: Yeah Craig. I'm glad that the influence will die now.

CONNELY: Now, we're gonna do it to the rest of you!

**HE DOESN'T NOTICE THAT WHILE HIS BACK WAS TURNED, STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO SLIP INTO THE VENT AND ESCAPE.**

**THE SCHOOL VENTILATION SYSTEM: STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY ARE CRAWLING THROUGH.**

STAN: Okay dudes, here's the plan: we find Chef, and redeem him.

KYLE: But how? He's a paedophile now; nothing will change his mind.

STAN: We have to try. And by the way, who farted?

CARTMAN: Might have been me. Sorry, I had 2 Burritos from Taco Bell last night, with extra chilli beans.

KENNY: (Ugh, fucking rancid)

**THE OTHER BOYS HOLD THEIR NOSES, UNTIL THEY COME OUT OF THE VENT. THEY INHALE, THEN WALK AROUND THE DARK HALLWAY, LOOKING FOR CHEF.**

STAN: Guys, our parents must be really worried about us at the moment. I suggest we call the police to let them know what's happening.

KYLE: Great idea dude. Though there is a problem; our phones are almost dead. We'll have to use a payphone.

**THE FOUR BOYS EVENTUALLY FIND A PAYPHONE.**

STAN: Alright, does anyone have a quarter?

**THE BOYS FEEL INSIDE THEIR POCKETS FOR ANY QUARTERS. CARTMAN FEELS SOMETHING IN HIS POCKET.**

CARTMAN: Found one.

STAN: Thanks Fatass.

CARTMAN: Hey!

STAN, KYLE AND KENNY** (Whispering)**: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. We don't wanna get spotted.

CARTMAN **(Quietly)**: Hey!

**STAN PUTS THE QUARTER IN THE PHONE AND DIALS 911. HE HOLDS IT TO HIS EAR AND WAITS FOR IT TO BE PICKED UP.**

**PARK COUNTY POLICE STATION: THE POLICE FORCE HAVE RECENTLY ARRESTED SOMEONE.**

SERGEANT YATES: He won't be making anymore telemarketing scams from this day forward.

**THE PHONE RINGS. SERGEANT YATES PICKS IT UP.**

SERGEANT YATES: Hello.

STAN: Listen! Child Molesters have the school under their control. All the students are being held hostage, and all the doors are locked.

SERGEANT YATES: We'll be there ASAP. Dammit, I was just about to play 'Jurassic World: Evolution'.

**HE HANGS UP.**

SERGEANTS YATES: Alright men! We have a hostage situation down at the school. Lock and Load. And make it quick, I wanna breed an Indoraptor then let it loose.

**HE TURNS TO HIS FELLOW OFFICERS: THEY'RE ALREADY ARMING THEMSELVES WITH WEAPONRY. THE POLICE FORCE LEAVES.**

**MARSH RESIDENCE: SHARON IS DEPERATELY TRYING TO CALL STAN, BUT THERE IS NO REPLY.**

SHARON: Randy. I can't reach Stan. He hasn't been home for 3 hours.

RANDY: Well, he's probably over at Kyle's.

SHARON: I called Sheila, and Stan's not over there; and Kyle and Ike aren't home.

RANDY: Is he at Wendy's?

SHARON: No.

RANDY: Eric's?

SHARON: No.

RANDY: Kenny's?

SHARON: No. What if something happened to him? What if he's hurt or, **(She lowers her voice)**…. Dead?!

**ON THE TV, SOMETHING GETS THEIR ATTENTION.**

TV ANNOUNCER: We interrupt 'Last Week Tonight with John Oliver' for a special report.

**ON THE TV, TOM THOMPSON IS SHOWN.**

TOM: There is a hostage situation down at South Park Elementary. The police force are already there, but there is no way of getting in without the fear of certain death. With us on the scene, is a Midget-In-A-Bikini.

**THE TV CUTS TO A LIVE REPORT. MIDGET-IN-A-BIKINI IS SHOWN, WHILE BEHIND HIM, THE POLICE FORCE HAS THE SCHOOL TAPED OFF.**

MIDGET-IN-A-BIKINI: Thanks Tom, this is a big situation right here. All the students are being held inside and there is absolutely no way of getting in. I don't know, how's the situation Officer?

OFFICER BARBRADY: Well Midget, the hostage situation seems under control. If no-one can get in, then that means the child molesters cannot get out either. So we're pretty much at a stalemate.

**MARSH RESIDENCE LIVING ROOM: RANDY AND SHARON ARE SHOCKED.**

SHARON: Randy. Get the keys. We're going down there.

**RANDY GETS THE KEYS, TURNS OFF THE TV AND THEY LEAVE.**

**Ext. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY: THE POLICE HAVE THE SCHOOL CLOSED OFF, JUST AS ALL THE PARENTS ARRIVE.**

SHEILA: Oh Gerald! I hope Kyle and Ike are Okay. If something happened to them, I would….

**SHE CRIES, AND BLOWS HER NOSE.**

**Int. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY: THE BOYS ARE BACK TO LOOKING FOR DARTH CHEF. THEY TURN A CORNER AND SEE HIM, LOOKING INTO AN EMPTY ROOM.**

STAN: Chef!

**DARTH CHEF TURNS AROUND.**

DARTH CHEF: Ah-Ha! You escaped! I'm calling Connely.

STAN: No, you're not Chef. Do you remember who I am?

DARTH CHEF: Uh, Stan?

**DARTH CHEF LOOKS AT THE OTHER BOYS.**

DARTH CHEF: Kyle? Eric? Kenny?

**THEY NOD IN APPROVAL.**

STAN: And do you remember who you are?

**DARTH CHEF HAS A MOMENT TO THINK. THEN SOMETHING CLICKS.**

DARTH CHEF: I'm Jerome McElroy. I sing soul songs, provide advice, and cook.

STAN: Yes! Yes Chef, you remember! It's good to have you back.

DARTH CHEF: What have I done? I've molested kids, and now I've rounded them up, and you up. Boys, I'm sorry. I have to fix this. I have to rescue the kids.

**CHEF HEADS OFF TOWARDS THE GYMNASIUM.**

**End of Act 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**DOOR TO GYMNASIUM: THE TWO MEN ARE STILL STANDING GUARD. ONE OF THEM YAWNS.**

MAN #1: This is so creepy. Chef should be back by now.

**AT THE OTHER END OF THE HALLWAY, THEY SEE DARTH CHEF STANDING THERE.**

MAN #2: Ah, Chef. There you are. We thought you weren't returning.

**DARTH CHEF ACTIVATES HIS GLOWING RED SPATULA. THE MEN REALISE THAT HE'S NO LONGER ONE OF THEM.**

MAN #1: Holy Shit! Fire!

**THE TWO MEN FIRE AT CHEF. HOWEVER, HE DEFLECTS THE BULLETS, WHICH DENT THE FLOOR AND RICOCHET OFF THE LOCKERS. THEY RUN OUT OF AMMO, AND SO GET OUT THEIR MACHETES, BUT THEY'RE TOO LATE, AND BEFORE THEY KNOW IT, DARTH CHEF SLICES THEM. BLOOD SPLATTERS ONTO THE LOCKERS. HE OPENS THE GYMNASIUM.**

**GYMNASIUM: CONNELY IS PINNING SALLY TO THE FLOOR WHEN CHEF BURSTS THROUGH. CONNELY LOOKS AT HIM.**

CONNELY: Chef, you're back. How was the search? Successful?

**DARTH CHEF DOESN'T REPLY; HE ACTIVATES HIS SPATULA AGAIN, AND STABS A MEMBER IN THE BACK. THE OTHER MEN TAKE OUT THEIR WEAPONS AND OPEN FIRE. THEY'RE SO FOCUSED ON DARTH CHEF, THEY DON'T SEE STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY ESCORTING ALL THE STUDENTS OUT.**

STAN: C'mon everyone! We have to go!

**DARTH CHEF KILLS THE LAST MEMBER, BUT CONNELY ESCAPES.**

CONNELY: You'll never stop me from molesting children! You'll never damage our name! I have a flight to catch!

**DARTH CHEF PURSUES HIM; JUST AS THE LAST STUDENTS FLEE, STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY FOLLOW CHEF TO THE ROOFTOP.**

LOLA: Kenny! Come Back! I **(Kenny is long gone)**…. Love you.

**LOLA SIGHS AND CATCHES UP WITH THE OTHER STUDENTS OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL.**

**Ext. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY: THE STUDENTS RUN OUT TO THEIR PARENTS, WHO EMBRACE THEM TIGHTLY. THE TEACHERS REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS.**

MR. GARRISON: What happened? I feel giddy.

MR. ADLER: I hope no-one was screwing around while I was out cold.

**SHARON, RANDY AND SHELLY ARE STILL WORRIED.**

SHARON: Wendy, where's Stan?

WENDY: I think he's still in there Mrs. Marsh.

**SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY ROOFTOP: CONNELY BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR AND WAITS FOR HIS HELICOPTER. AT THE DOOR, CHEF AND THE BOYS APPEAR. CHEF ACTIVATES HIS SPATULA.**

CONNELY: Are you going to kill me Chef?

DARTH CHEF: I'd most certainly would like to. You're gonna pay for everything you did to me…. In blood.

CONNELY: Not if I kill you first.

**CONNELY REACHES FOR HIS CANE; HE BRANDISHES A KATANA. HE AND CHEF FACE EACH OTHER.**

DARTH CHEF: Boys, get down.

**CONNELY CHARGES AT CHEF, BUT HE DEFLECTS THE BLOW WITH HIS SPATULA. THE BOYS WATCH AS CHEF AND CONNELY DUEL.**

**BACK ON THE GROUND.**

MIDGET-IN-A-BIKINI: We've just receive an update. Apparently, the leader of the child molesters and someone in a Darth Vader suit are fighting on the roof. And that all the kids that were held hostage, are free.

**BACK ON THE ROOF, CHEF AND CONNELY ARE STILL FIGHTING. EVENTUALLY, CONNELY STUNS CHEF AND IMPALES HIM 3 INCHES INTO THE HIP.**

CHEF: Ugh!

**BLOOD STARTS TO LEAK OUT OF HIM. HE DROPS HIS SPATULA.**

STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN AND KENNY: Chef!

**CONNELY IS ABOUT TO DELIVER THE KILLING BLOW, WHEN CHEF GRABS HIM BY THE THROAT, AND DISARMS HIM. HE DANGLES CONNELY OVER THE EDGE OF THE ROOF, WITH THE PAVEMENT BENEATH HIM.**

CONNELY: Do you really want to kill me Chef? You can continue travelling the world with me. You want to be free of this town, don't you?

STAN: Chef! Don't listen to him. He turned you into this! We're your friends. We've always been your friends!

**CHEF EXPERIENCES FLASHBACKS. A MONTAGE SHOWS HIM AND THE BOYS IN OLD EPISODES, FROM THE ANAL PROBE, TO THE MONEY FOR CHEF CAMPAIGN, AND EVEN THE SUCCUBUS, AND THE SONG 'STINKY BRITCHES'. CHEF ENDS HIS FLASHBACK, AND HE'S FINALLY, COMPLETELY REDEEMED. HE GLARES AT CONNELY, THOUGH IT'S HARD TO TELL.**

CONNELY: Well? What do you say? You gonna continue travelling the world?

DARTH CHEF: Y'know what Connely? You can suck on my Chocolate…. Salty…. Balls!

**HE DROPS CONNELY. CONNELY SCREAMS AS HE FALLS TO HIS DEATH. HE HITS THE CONCRETE BELOW AND IS NOW A SPLATTERED MESS. CHEF LOOKS DOWN AT HIM, BREATHING HEAVILY. THE BOYS JOIN HIM. **

CARTMAN: It's over now; it's just a traumatic memory.

**Ext. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY: CHEF AND THE FOUR BOYS COME OUT OF THE DOOR. THE STUDENTS, PARENTS AND TEACHERS CHEER FOR CHEF. CHEF PUTS HIS ARMS UP IN VICTORY. SUDDENLY, HE GASPS COLLAPSES FORWARD.**

CROWD: (Gasp)

**THE BOYS LOOK AT THE WOUND; IT IS ALREADY INFECTED.**

DARTH CHEF: Kyle! Take this mask off, so I can see you with my own eyes one last time.

KYLE: But Chef, you'll die.

DARTH CHEF: Nothing can stop that now.

**AS TEARS FORM IN HIS EYES, KYLE REMOVES THE MASK. THE CROWD SEE CHEF UNMASKED. HE LOOKS AT THE FOUR BOYS.**

CHEF: Stan, Kyle, Eric, Kenny? Promise me something: make love to your girls, then later, get married and start a family.

KYLE: We promise. And we have to get you medical attention! We've got to save you!

**CHEF SMILES WEAKLY.**

CHEF: You Already Have.

**TAKING HIS LAST BREATH, CHEF CLOSES HIS EYES AND PASSES AWAY.**

KYLE: Chef! No! No!

STAN: I'm sorry Dude. But this time, he really is dead.

**(Scene is very similar to Vader's death at the end of 'Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi')**

**STAN, CARTMAN AND KENNY DRAG HIM AWAY FROM CHEF'S LIFELESS BODY. NEXT TO STAN, WENDY STARTS CRYING INTO STAN'S SHOULDERS, WHO HAS HIS ARMS AROUND HER. KAREN CRIES INTO KENNY. EVEN THE GOTH KIDS SHED A FEW TEARS.**

**PRINCIPAL VICTORIA THEN GETS OUT A CANDLE AND A LIGHTER AND LIGHTS IT; THE REST OF THE FACULTY LIGHT CANDLES TOO. THE PARENTS AND STUDENTS ALSO LIGHT CANDLES AND RAISE THEM HIGH ABOVE THEIR HEADS, WHILE THE END THEME FROM 'METAL GEAR SOLID 3' PLAYS. (Similar to Dumbledore's funeral at the end of 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince')**

**1 WEEK LATER**

**THE PARK: A WEEK HAS PASSED SINCE CHEF DIED, AND SO A STATUE HAS BEEN ERECTED IN HIS HONOR. TOKEN, JASON, CLYDE AND BRIDON ARE PLAYING BASKETBALL, WHILE YOUNGER KIDS ARE PLAYING ON THE PLAYGROUND.**

**KYLE AND BEBE ARE ON ONE OF THEIR USUAL DATES.**

BEBE: So Kyle, when are you going to make your promise to Chef?

KYLE: Soon Bebe. In a few years.

**THEY PASS BY CHEF'S STATUE.**

KYLE: One moment.

**HE WALKS UP TO THE STATUE. HE GETS OUT SOME FLOWERS AND LAYS THEM AT THE BASE OF THE STATUE. HE LOOKS UP AND SMILES.**

KYLE: Don't worry Chef. I'm keeping my promise.

**HE AND BEBE HOOK ARMS AND WALK AWAY. A CLOSE-UP OF THE BASE OF THE STATUE READS:**

**In Loving Memory of Jerome "Chef" McElroy, a true friend of South Park and hero of children.**

**The End**


End file.
